My little comedians

They’re getting into telling jokes now. So I’m learning to laugh on the spot. I’m getting lots of practice. Want to know why?

Joke #1

Girl: Knock knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Girl: Banana.

Me: Banana who?

Girl: Mooooo!

Joke #2

Boy: Why did the turtle cross the road?

Me: I don’t know, why?

Boy: To get to the gas station to drink all the oil.

See what I mean?

 

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There is no try…

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions, and based on what I’m reading on some of your blogs, neither are most of you. It’s not an arbitrary dislike either, I have real scientific reasons not to like NYRs.

  1. The majority of NYRs are completely unrealistic.
  2. Setting unrealistic goals leads to failure.
  3. Failure leads to depression.
  4. 95% of people fail to meet their NYRs before spring even rolls around.
  5. Which means that 95% of people who make NYRs are depressed.

See… science proves that making resolutions leads to failure and depression!

Okay fine, I completely fabricated the stats, but they’re probably true based on anecdotal evidence from the few crazy people I know who still make resolutions.

I just happen to think that one should either do something or not do it. Resolving to try… well… Yoda said it best, “Either do or do not, there is no try.”

PS I really loved the new Star Wars movie.

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Merry Christmas to all

One kid down, one to go… it’s always hard to get them to settle down on Christmas eve, but who can blame them?

When they’re safely abed we can commence with our grown up traditions. Pouring a drink (or two), bringing the gifts out of hiding and cramming them under the tree, stuffing the stockings, watching one of our favorite Christmas movies – Die Hard, pouring another drink, eating some chocolate or chips or popcorn or all of the above, and then crawling into bed for a few precious moments of sleep before the kids get up at the ass crack of dawn… because Santa.

Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate this holiday, and also to those of you who don’t. May you have joy in your hearts, may your children sleep in unexpectedly long, may that last and one too many rum and eggnog specials this evening not have hangovery effects tomorrow, and may your relatives stay just the right amount of time and leave when they should!

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