Loooooong weekends!

Posted on May 21, 2013 by

I remember when I used to think that long weekends were not nearly long enough. Now, the regular two-day weekend can feel endless at times.

Fortunately, this past weekend (the Victoria Day weekend in Canada) was just about the right length. We played, we visited with friends, we set up a tent in the basement, we wandered around the neighborhood, we got the youngest child an “okay to wake” clock and got ourselves a few precious extra minutes of sleep.

We also hit a major developmental milestone… well, our son did. He learned to use the remote control, mostly. Once we’ve got the Netflix menu up and the TV on, he can pick his own shows. Which explains why the kids have been so quiet in the basement from time to time.

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Mis-Development of a Child

Posted on May 14, 2013 by

I’d like to start by saying that I am well aware that there are children out there with different abilities (why don’t people call it diffabilities instead of disabilities?), however, my children appear to be among the most common range of development and ability levels. Which is why they are driving me crazy with their sudden inability to hear, understand and/or follow simple directions.

This morning I asked my daughter, “Are you done your breakfast?” Apparently my question was far too complex for her little 3-year-old mind, because it took 2 of us asking the question at least 3 different ways (is that even possible?) before she said, “yes.”

Then my husband directed my son to put on his clothes. Did you know that telling a 5-year-old to put their clothes on is not nearly specific enough? What you really need to do is stand there in front of the child and give step by step instructions.

  1. Take off your pyjama pants.
  2. Take off your pyjama shirt.
  3. Take off your dirty underwear.
  4. Put on your clean underwear.
  5. Put on your socks.
  6. Put on your pants.
  7. Put on your shirt.

The “get your clothes on” instructional was followed by the “get your shoes on” fiasco:

Put your shoes on. No, put them on. Yes, that’s the right foot. No, on the other foot. Good. Now put the other shoe on. No! Stop! Don’t take them off. Why are you taking your shoes off? You’re supposed to be putting your shoes on. Fine, get your other shoes. Now put down that ball and put your shoes on. I said put down the ball. Here, give me the ball, you can have it back when you have your shoes one. Why are you whining now? Do you need help? Do you want me to help you put your shoes on? Then use your words, I don’t know what you mean when you just grunt like that. Okay, sit down and give me your shoes. No, other foot. Sit still. I can’t put your shoes on when you’re jumping around like that. SIT. DOWN. NOW!

It’s a miracle we make it out the door some days, but then we have to also get in the van. After telling the little girl child to get in her seat three times and then counting to three, I finally just put her in the seat myself – and accidentally cracked her head on the van door frame. Which I would have felt really terrible about, but by that time I pretty much just thought, “If you had bloody well got yourself in the seat when I told you then you wouldn’t have bumped your head.”

Is this normal? If it is, normal sucks sometimes.

Posted in Childcare, Conversations with children, Parenthood | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

Potty training advice from a pro

Posted on May 10, 2013 by

Potty training can be an extremely stressful time for both children and their parents. There are expectations. If your kid is three and untrained, then clearly you are failing as a parent or your child is developmentally delayed (or something equally ridiculous).

Days and weeks go by after the child’s third birthday and you’ve tried bribery with sticker charts, candy treats, cool new underwear, trips to McDonald’s Play Place and still, your child refused to even look at the little cushioned toilet seat you purchased just for him or her.

Months go by and other parents give you strange looks when you hoist your huge kid onto the tiny change table in the public washroom. You wonder if the hinge on the table will give way and if it would be worse to just lay your child on the filthy washroom floor to change them.

You purchase one more box of pull-ups saying yet again, this is the last box we’re going to buy. When these are all gone, you need to be using the potty all the time. As the box empties, you clip the coupon for another box in resignation.

You are at your wit’s end trying to figure out how to get your kid potty trained and I am here to give you the best potty training advice you’ll ever hear:

  1. Stop stressing out. Your kid will learn eventually.
  2. Research shows that most kids’ bladders aren’t ready for controlled peeing until they are 3 or 4 years old so don’t worry about training them earlier than that.
  3. Febreeze really helps get the urine smell out of couches and carpets.
  4. The more you pressure your kid, the more stressed out they’ll get, and the more likely they will be to pee their pants. So chill.
  5. When they are ready, use M&M’s as your candy bribe of choice; they don’t melt as fast and handfuls of them can help reduce your stress levels.

See? Easy as eating pie. Now I just need to go pick up another case of pull-ups for my 3-year-old and we’re all set.

Posted in Parenthood, Childcare, Education | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments