This morning went surprisingly well… for the first part. Usually it’s all World War Wee when it comes to picking out clothes for the little girl. But today, she loved the outfit I had laid out for her the night before – which has never before happened. Most of the time she rejects the clothes she selected the night before, as well as each and every item I suggest to her, then freaks out because I’m not helping her to get dressed. Then I get frustrated and go have a time out. Then she freaks out because I left the room. Then I come back and usually wrestle her into an outfit that she doesn’t want to wear because she refused to go to daycare in her pajamas. I can’t express how fabulous it is to
dump drop her off at daycare at the end of the daily battle.
But not today. Today was great.
And then daddy took them downstairs for breakfast. In our house, you need the skills of a bartender to get their cereal orders together. Today the girl had her usual: Cheerios, Mini Wheats and Flakes. The boy kept it simple with Just Cheerios. Okay, so it’s not that complicated. Except for the fact that daddy gave the boy the blue bowl and the girl the orange bowl.
And then we witnessed the END OF THE WORLD!!!
Fast forward to a frantic scramble to the kitchen to swap bowl contents, return the correct bowls to their intended recipients, and order is restored.
I need a coffee.
You know how some people literally get confused about what is literal and what is figurative. Well, I’m not one of those people. My kids literally stink. We bathe them on a regular basis, we wash their clothes, and we make sure they put clean clothes on every morning before they leave the house. We do everything hygienically required in order to avoid having them stink, and still they manage to work up a vile stench.
Just the other day, my son went to the bathroom and intentionally left the door open. When his dad closed the door, the boy pushed it back open and said, “No dad, I want you to smell my stink.”
On a regular basis, I find myself astounded by the volume of stench produced by a single fart of the tiny creatures. How is it possible for a small 4 year old princess to fill an entire room with a stench so vile that you risk losing consciousness by staying in the room?
A few weeks ago, while putting my son to bed, he let out a long, horrendous fart, and I couldn’t even finish reading his bedtime story because I just had to leave the room. He has since promised never to fart while I’m putting him to bed.
We now talk about ‘keeping your farts in your bum’ because their stench is so repulsive.
So, I ask you all, is it just my children or do yours stink too?
Yesterday night as I was putting my son to bed, he was telling me what he does at school now that he’s finally installed in his class for the year. If you can take a 6 year old’s word for anything, all he does is watch television and builds stuff with straws. Which does nothing to inspire confidence in our public education system!
He also announced that during recess he is digging a hole under the fence to escape.
Me: What did you do at recess today? Did you go outside?
Son: Yes! We’re digging a hole to escape! I can fit my head in the hole now.
Me: Don’t you like school?
Me: Why do you want to escape? Where will you go?
Son: I’m going to dig a hole all the way to our back yard. I like to dig.
Me: You know that our house is locked and nobody is home all day, right?
Son: I already know that mom. Then I’m going to dig all the way to South America!
There you have it. A brief summary of grade one education in British Columbia, Canada… watching television, building with straw, digging holes.
Disclaimer: For those of you with no sense of humor – go away and don’t come back to my blog! Also, I know that there is more to grade one than this.