Why you should have children.

Many people ask themselves why they had children after they’ve already had them. This is stupid and completely pointless. You have children, if you can’t come up with a good enough reason for having them, are you going to get rid of them?

On second thought, this is not a pointless question. It is possible to get rid of your kids after discovering you have no good reason for their existence. I have heard that there are hospitals that accept returns of children up to the age of 12 without any penalties (maybe it’s just certain provinces in Canada). I don’t know if you have to return them to the same hospital you got them, you may want to look into that before dropping them off. I’m fairly certain that you won’t get your hospital bill refunded, nor would you get any of the costs incurred in their upbringing refunded, but this way you can stop the skyrocketing expenditures before they want  you to pay for things like university or their own cars.

Although I already have my children and am not seriously planning to release them into the wild or bring them back to the hospital where they were born, I do confess to the occasional fantasy about a life without any tiny human responsibilities. In order to help you with your decision making process, I have put together a top 10 list of reasons to have children. If you already  have children, this may also help you decide whether or not you should return them.

10. You have too much money and are not sure what to spend it on.

9. You have too much time and are not skilled enough or interested enough to consider other hobby options such as knitting, scrapbooking, woodwork, or chess.

8. You have a really nice camera but the parents at the playground are weirded out when you take pictures of their children.

7. You would like to increase your level of patience and the best way to do so is to surround yourself with little patience testing creatures (plus you’re allergic to cats and/or dogs).

6. Children are an excellent back up for your retirement plan.

5. You don’t have any friends so having children is a way to grow your own.

4. You’re an insomniac, so you’re up in the middle of the night anyway.

3. At some point you can put them to work and charge them rent, right?

2, You find social situations awkward and don’t know what to talk about. If you have children, they’re your backup conversation piece.

1. Most people with children are idiots and you want to ensure that there are at least a few properly socialized members of society in the generation to follow you.

Obviously this is not a complete list of reasons to have children. I’m sure there are many other excellent reasons to procreate. Keep in mind that many other people are procreating and it is not your responsibility to ensure that our population continues! It’s completely fine if you decide not to have children, more than fine. In fact, some of us would be thrilled if you did not have children and offered to occasionally take care of ours.

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
This entry was posted in Parenthood, Top Lists, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Why you should have children.

  1. Pingback: One Year Later… | Dirty Rotten Parenting

  2. sillyliss says:

    Haha, that was hilarious! Happy birthday, DRP!

  3. I like number five best. 🙂

  4. All great reasons to procreate! Don’t forget, if your clothing is all pristine (and preferably dry clean only) but you wish you could walk around with snazzy new accoutrements on the shoulder. Because every single one of my shirts is destroyed from kid yuck and them pulling on the neck of it. They have also recently discovered my t-shirt drawer and are constantly wearing what few items they haven’t destroyed yet. Yay.

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