Before becoming a parent I had high and lofty ideals about not letting my children watch television. We all know that television turns regular humans into unproductive slugs. This is true for both children and adults.
Now that I have children, I recognize the value in occasionally transforming my children into slugs. As a general rule, their productivity is comprised of messing up the entire house, destroying the books on the bottom shelves, and causing general mayhem. Sometimes I prefer to avoid this sort of productivity.
In spite of research to the contrary, television can be the best thing for parents and consequently the best thing for children as well. My own theory is that researchers do not have children and completely fail to account for all of the positive secondary effects of television viewing.
Just a few positive secondary effects include, but are not limited to:
- You can get lots of shit done while your kids are watching television.
- Television distracts ornery siblings from fighting with one another, provided that you have either 2 couches or 2 separate rooms with televisions for them to watch.
- Television keeps kids entertained on days with horrible weather when you can’t get outside.
- Television distracts sick children and means you don’t have to sit in their immediate germ pool all day reading books that you’re already completely sick of.
- Television teaches your kids about what is cool and ensures that they have stuff to talk with their friends about.
- Television also shows your kids which toys they want. This narrows down your selection to just a few items and which it much easier to shop for gifts.
See, television really is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and sliced bread is pretty great. Have you ever tried slicing bread while trying to get ready quickly in the morning? Not pretty!