Too Much Mother?

The latest Times magazine cover screams “Are you ENOUGH MOTHER?” My knee jerk response was probably stronger than necessary. Upon greater reflection, I realized that my last post was perhaps a bit harsh on mothers who choose to breastfeed until their child is well into kindergarten (which is why I’m starting again with this post instead).

Really, what business is it of mine, if some mother wants to come in at recess and lunch times to feed my son’s classmate? Sure I think it’s strange and kind of creepy, but hey, everyone has the right to be strange and creepy.

I understand the desire for your child to be happy and feel secure. I am going on the assumption that this is the goal here.

In an attempt to put myself in the nursing bra of other mothers who are clearly ‘more mother’ than I am, I’d like to propose the following reasons why we should breast feed our children longer than we do.

  1. Breast feeding helps you lose the baby weight you put on while pregnant. Think of it as a combination diet plan for you and a meal plan for your kid. The longer you do, the more weight you could lose and the less cooking you’ll have to do.
  2. Being needed is key to a mother’s identity. When children stop breast feeding, you become easily replaceable. Let’s put that off as long as possible. No one likes to lose that much of their identity in one shot.
  3. You never have to pack a snack and you won’t have to worry about spills in the car, or cleaning sippy cups. Breast feeding is low maintenance.
  4. Men like boobs. Breast feeding is an easy excuse to whip out the girls in public for general male admiration. Who doesn’t like having their boobs admired.
  5. Kids have meltdowns and tantrums all the time. Instead of having to endure the painful process of trying to teach them to regulate their own emotions, you can just pull up your shirt and quiet them down instantly. Everyone will be impressed at how well behaved your children are.

Clearly it’s too late for me to start milking again. I did quit breastfeeding my youngest child when she was about 9 months. I know, horror of horrors, she’ll probably grow up to be a serial killer or something as a result. I guess I’ll just have to teach her to survive without me around every moment of the day.


About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home.
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4 Responses to Too Much Mother?

  1. fawn says:

    LOL love this. I stopped breast feeding .. at about.. 6 weeks? I can only imagine how my daughter will grow up…………

  2. The Trump Card says:

    Maybe our kids can be like a super villain duo – I tried to breast feed for a year, but stopped around 9 months because I couldn’t keep up with it at work (double threat – working mom and quit breast feeding). At least super villains have cool costumes.

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