Ready for Potty Training?

toilet 2Some parents dread the moment when it is time to begin potty training. I am one of them. Potty training is messy, time consuming, frustrating, and there is no right way to do it.

Did you get that? There is no right way to potty train. Oh sure, there are books guaranteeing results in 3-5 days. Some books tell you to start training as an infant, others say wait as long as 3 years. Use a seat on the toilet, use the real toilet, use a little child sized toilet seat on a bucket, does it matter? How do you know who to listen to?

And worse, just when you think you have successfully potty trained your child, they start peeing in their pants again. Which leads me to wonder why we even bother trying to potty train our children. Is it worth the effort and aggravation? Can’t we just leave it until they’re school age and peer pressure can take care of it for us? Are we even allowed to send kids to kindergarten if they aren’t potty trained? Probably not.

So in preparation for my next round of potty training and potty re-training I have compiled a few helpful tips.

  • If you can, leave it to the professionals at daycare. If you can’t, then bribery is your new best parenting tactic.
  • Candy is a much better incentive than stickers are. Ice cream is a good incentive too. Pretty much any junk food you don’t want to feed them is perfect for potty training.
  • Get some horribly uncomfortable, plastic underwear and make them marinate in their pee for as long as you can stand it. Discomfort is also a fine motivator.
  • Stock up on laundry detergent, bleach, and carpet stain remover. They will pee in everything and also everywhere in your house. If you are lucky, they will not poop in everything or everywhere in your house.
  • Also, you’ll need air freshener and scented candles to hide the urine smell anytime anyone comes over.

And remember folks, they will have accidents and there is very little you can do to avoid it completely. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an entire load of laundry from today’s accidents.

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
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5 Responses to Ready for Potty Training?

  1. Off Duty Mom says:

    Laughing out loud at work. Potty training sucks.

    http://offdutymom.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/or-get-off-the-pot/

    http://offdutymom.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/why-is-everything-wet/

    I have a long, tortured history with my kids’ pee…

    • I just went and read your posts…. now I’m sitting here nearly speechless! The books make it look so easy don’t they! No wonder we moms are always feeling bad about our parenting. We keep reading parenting ‘how to’ crap that doesn’t work in real life.

  2. Kathy V. says:

    Ugh. I kinda want to use my mother’s method of toilet training, which was, “Make Grandma do it”. Thing is, now she’s the grandma, and she has no idea. Dammit.

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