Over and over again, I hear mothers and grandmothers telling me to cherish these years. “You’ll never get them back,” they say. “Thank God,” I say. If I ever tell you to live in the moment, somebody please come by and slap me!
I love my babies, but there are some things I am fairly certain I will not miss about the early years.
- Poopy diapers. They stink up the whole house, they’re messy, and my kids get extra squirmy while I’m trying to change them.
- Urine smells. The garbage can in the baby’s room permanently smells like pee. No amount of bleaching improves the smell. Also the general pee smell in the pre-schooler’s room, the bathroom, the couch cushions, the living room carpet.
- Waking up at night. My kids sleep through the night now, but I certainly don’t miss the enforced cuddle/nursing times in the wee hours.
- Stained clothing. This morning I put on a clean shirt when I got up. Less than an hour later I had to put on a new clean shirt to go to work. It was worse when they were littler and puking up on me. Now they’re just filthy and blowing their noses into my clothes. And yes, they know what Kleenex is for.
- Sitting on the floor with the blanket on my head. Both of my children have gone through a phase where this is their favorite thing to do. My youngest is still in that phase. I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m pretty damn tired of having a blanket on my head.
- Breastfeeding. Yes I know, mothers are ‘supposed’ to love nursing their kids. It’s the healthy option, loving bonding, blah blah blah. I just wanted my body back. Judge all you want, but I’m free now baby!
- Going to the bathroom with an audience. I’m going to have to retrain myself to close the bathroom door at home. One day I will have my dignity back.
- Cutting up food. For lunches, for breakfast, for supper, for snacks, all I do is chop and peel. I can’t wait until it’s safe to hand them the knives so they can cut up their own food.
- Changing crib sheets. It’s so ridiculously awkward to change crib sheets. Which means I only do it when they spew something on their sheets or when they start to smell.
- All the whining. For the love of God, please tell me the whining stops when they get older. If it doesn’t, I don’t want to know about it!
What things will you not miss?
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