I have read a lot of completely useless advice on how to make the most of every moment, enjoy your kids more, embrace happiness, seize the day and all that sort of fluffy crap. The authors of this drivel fail to grasp a very important fact, some of us don’t want to have fun and enjoy life. We are busy people, with many things to get done and having fun just isn’t on our list of priorities.
With this neglected group of parents in mind, I’ve pulled together a helpful list of how not to have fun.
- Choose work together time instead of play together time. Your kids can help with the work that needs to get done, no need for you or they to play all day.
- Remember that you’re on a schedule and everything has a deadline.
- Toys are completely useless. View cooking, cleaning, laundry, and yard work as the new games and sewing machines, vacuums, and brooms as the new toys.
- Never ever whistle while you work. It slows you down.
- Praising your kids for a job well done just makes them think they’re doing it well enough and they’ll stop putting in any extra effort. Criticism makes them try harder.
- Bring your work home with you every night. There’s no reason your family should stand in the way of your rapid career advancement.
- Complain and whine about everything and everyone.
- Watch lots of Canadian films. If it ain’t kind of depressing, it ain’t Canadian!
- Avoid places where there might be other people having fun. Fun is dangerous and highly contagious.
That’s all. I hope you don’t enjoy this list of things to do, or not do. Have a terrible weekend.