Operation “Shrink Fanny Pack”

Now that my youngest is nearly two and a half years old, I have decided it’s time to lose that pesky baby fanny pack I’ve been carrying around my waist since my oldest was born over 4 years ago. Yes, I know, I’m sure all of you have already lost your baby weight through disciplined healthy eating and regular exercise. You can just take your smug looks and leave me and my blog alone!

Before children (B.C.) I used to go to the gym after work, not every day but on a fairly regular basis. Now, I go to the daycare after work to herd the kids to the mini-van and drive them home. Between exhaustion caused by children and exhaustion caused by a busy work schedule, I’ve had difficulty summoning the required motivation to get up my go.

So now, in all its glorious simplicity, my master fanny pack loss two-step plan looks a little like this:

  • Stop eating chips every night while sitting on the couch watching television until bedtime. My bedtime, not the kids’ bedtimes. I don’t actually get to watch anything until after they go to bed. The key component of this step is the chips eating and not the couch sitting.
  • Go jogging or exercise on the nights when I put the youngest to bed and the husband puts our older kid to bed. The youngest goes to bed earlier and therefore it gives me a little extra no kid time every other evening. Please note that I’m not making any public claims on the amount or vigour of jogging or exercise in this proposed plan. I believe that flexibility is the key to any successful fanny pack reduction plan.

That’s it. That’s the whole plan. I’m still going to sit on the couch watching television in the evenings (probably while folding laundry). Sometimes my sitting will have to wait until after my jogging or exercising. And sadly I’m just going to have to find some other less delicious snacks for evening consumption.

I actually started last week, sort of. I had to go get jogging equipment on one of my lunch breaks so that I have what I need to go again this week. Apparently you do need special equipment for jogging.  Equipment commonly known as sports bras. It’s dangerous to go jogging without a sports bra. Unless you don’t have boobs, then I guess you’re okay.


Photo Credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
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9 Responses to Operation “Shrink Fanny Pack”

  1. Kathy V. says:

    You know what we need to do that would be soooooooooo much better than exercising? We need to revamp current cultural expectations about female beauty so that the fanny pack is the ideal. Then you and I could be famous belly models and make tons of bank without having to give up the chips. It sounds easier than exercising, anyway.

  2. Teresa Cleveland Wendel says:

    Have you ever looked at those old paintings in museums featuring sumptuous nymphs with rounded bellies?
    But if you want to lose the fanny pack, you have a great plan. As for the athletic bra, you might want to check this out first: http://bellybuttonblues.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/the-underpinnings-of-a-female-athlete/

  3. danajoward says:

    Hilarious!! I love your blog and will be following you. I’m one of those who had children and actually gave him up. (long story ). I have been around cousin since and I could you know, afraid someone might read this. LOL Loved this!! Thank you for making me laugh 🙂

  4. Pingback: Time Out for Good Behavior | dirtyrottenparenting

  5. Pingback: Operation Fanny Pack – Update | dirtyrottenparenting

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