Emergency Black Friday Warning!

Put down your credit cards and step away from the shopping cart!

These are dangerous times folks and I am here to alert you to the extreme holiday shopping hazards that are at their most critical levels on Black Friday. Shootings, stabbings, assaults, pepper sprayings, pushings, grabbings and extreme rudeness towards one another typically characterize this day.

It’s ironic (don’t you think) that America’s unofficial kick-off to the holiday season of peace, love, giving and goodwill to all, is a violent mosh-pit of greedy, competitive consumerism.

To make matters worse, the toys and goodies that people are pushing others out of line for, are for the most part, pure crap that will be discarded, or damaged, or forgotten in favor of the next year’s collection of pure crap. It’s madness I tell you, madness!

But Dirty Rotten Parent, when else will we get such wonderful deals on gifts for friends and family? If we can’t buy those items on Black Friday, we’ll never be able to afford them. How will they know we love them if we don’t buy them really expensive items?

DON’T PANIC
I am here to help!

First of all, stay far, far away from all retail shops this Friday (or Thursday night). Here are some ground-breaking ideas for ways to show your love (and giving one-up-man-ship) to family and friends.

  1. Second hand gifts for young children. They’re only going to play with whatever you get them for a day or so, they don’t care if someone else had it first, as long as it’s theirs now. Just put it in a nice box, oh and clean it first.
  2. Make something personal. I suck at the crafty stuff, but I can insert photos into an online calendar template like nobody’s business! Nothing says love like a custom-made gift.
  3. Don’t buy so many damn gifts at Christmas! You can’t afford it. It’s not necessary. You’ll be stressed out paying your credit card bills for the next year.
  4. Remember, if giving someone a gift is your only method of showing someone you care, then you kind of suck, and spending money isn’t going to make you suck less.

So why don’t we just give Black Friday a pass this year, it may even save your life.

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
This entry was posted in Holidays and Events, Parenthood, Top Lists and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Emergency Black Friday Warning!

  1. Victoria says:

    My favourite part of a Christmas was and still is the stocking stuffers. Cheap gifts from the dollar store, oranges, treats, etc. Novelty items! Mom could fill that sucker up for 20 bucks and it was AWESOME.

    I had no concept of money when I was a young kid. I couldn’t tell that you love me more because that black eye you got was you fighting for the newest iGadget. Kiddo’s want your time and love, not your bank account. (at least before they become accustomed to a Richie Rich life style, then they want it ALL) They mostly want you alive. Play it safe this Black Friday! avoid it..

    • Victoria says:

      “It’s ironic (don’t you think) that America’s unofficial kick-off to the holiday season of peace, love, giving and goodwill to all, is a violent mosh-pit of greedy, competitive consumerism.” Can it be ironic since it all came about with the genocide of countless amounts of Native Americans and then slavery, all for the good of the economy.

      • So are you suggesting that the current holiday kick-off is actually a kinder gentler event in the historical theme of all things American? Damn! We need to get cracking on that border wall of ours!

      • Victoria says:

        I have seen some videos on the web of Black Friday, it looks intense and scary! You couldn’t compare the two events, but economy and capitalism is something both events have as marked importance.

  2. Well said! I’m gonna really not suck this year. HA HA HA!

  3. Peter Monaco says:

    Number 4 is golden. GOLDEN.

  4. DRP, I think given this post you’ll appreciate this site: http://getlesstoday.com/ “Less doesn’t need any batteries. Takes no guesswork. And contains no harsh fumes, chemicals or lead. Less is not only safe for children it’s recommended.”

  5. Country Girl says:

    Hollllly crap. You’ve just summed up all my thoughts and feelings. GOOD JOB!

    I especially love number 4: “Remember, if giving someone a gift is your only method of showing someone you care, then you kind of suck, and spending money isn’t going to make you suck less.” That’s just fantastic.

    I refuse to join in the holiday crazed madness. It’s supposed to be a special time of year, not a ‘buy everything and cry later because I’m broke’ kind of time.

  6. Teresa Cleveland Wendel says:

    Four of the best ideas I’ve seen for any occasion. Thanks for being brave enough to share them.

  7. sillyliss says:

    And DRP will be the reason that all the biggest retail corporations in America (and China?) fall into bankruptcy this season. Don’t you know — they are COUNTING on this money. If you don’t spend it, it’s YOUR fault the economy tanks.

    Seriously love your list. It is awesome. ❤

  8. mmtread says:

    Well said, DRP. It’s even more ironic that the event takes place exactly one day after we’ve just all gathered to be thankful for what we already have. We’ve been living abroad for so long that I don’t really remember what it’s like. I can’t imagine it’s really that bad. Sure, the occasional trampling at WalMart, but does it get that ugly?

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