Put down your credit cards and step away from the shopping cart!
These are dangerous times folks and I am here to alert you to the extreme holiday shopping hazards that are at their most critical levels on Black Friday. Shootings, stabbings, assaults, pepper sprayings, pushings, grabbings and extreme rudeness towards one another typically characterize this day.
It’s ironic (don’t you think) that America’s unofficial kick-off to the holiday season of peace, love, giving and goodwill to all, is a violent mosh-pit of greedy, competitive consumerism.
To make matters worse, the toys and goodies that people are pushing others out of line for, are for the most part, pure crap that will be discarded, or damaged, or forgotten in favor of the next year’s collection of pure crap. It’s madness I tell you, madness!
But Dirty Rotten Parent, when else will we get such wonderful deals on gifts for friends and family? If we can’t buy those items on Black Friday, we’ll never be able to afford them. How will they know we love them if we don’t buy them really expensive items?
I am here to help!
First of all, stay far, far away from all retail shops this Friday (or Thursday night). Here are some ground-breaking ideas for ways to show your love (and giving one-up-man-ship) to family and friends.
- Second hand gifts for young children. They’re only going to play with whatever you get them for a day or so, they don’t care if someone else had it first, as long as it’s theirs now. Just put it in a nice box, oh and clean it first.
- Make something personal. I suck at the crafty stuff, but I can insert photos into an online calendar template like nobody’s business! Nothing says love like a custom-made gift.
- Don’t buy so many damn gifts at Christmas! You can’t afford it. It’s not necessary. You’ll be stressed out paying your credit card bills for the next year.
- Remember, if giving someone a gift is your only method of showing someone you care, then you kind of suck, and spending money isn’t going to make you suck less.
So why don’t we just give Black Friday a pass this year, it may even save your life.