When Not to Take off Your Pants

I've found the pants but I'm not sure where the boy who's supposed to be in them went.

I’ve found the pants but I’m not sure where the boy who’s supposed to be in them went.

We are not a nudist household by any stretch, although both husband and son have serious exhibitionist tendencies. Fortunately my husband has learned, more or less, when it is not okay to take off his pants. This is a lesson my son still needs to learn.

He will be going to kindergarten in September. I think that now is probably time to start having the “When not to take off your pants” discussions.

Kids at this age tend to be very literal, so it’s important to be specific about pretty much everything. In order to make sure I have all my bases, and his buttocks, covered, I am preparing a list of places and times where he is not supposed to take off his pants.

When not to take off your pants:

  1. In the grocery store or any other store, or restaurant.
  2. At school. Unless you are in a change room or bathroom stall and are changing because you have soiled your pants and are planning to put on a new pair of pants.
  3. At home when we have guests over. Unless you are in your room and no guests in there and you are changing because I told you to do so.
  4. On your way to the bathroom.
  5. At the playground. Unless daddy or I have directed you to go pee in the bushes, in which case you should wait until you are actually in the bushes before you take off your pants.
  6. In McDonald’s Playland.
  7. In the front yard.
  8. At the beach. We will make sure you  have proper swimwear which is intended to get wet. Do not take off your trunks just because they are wet, they will dry.
  9. Beside the swimming pool. Please wait until we get into the change rooms before you start stripping down.
  10. At the dinner table. While I understand that you do not wish to take a single bite out of the new menu item that we have so unfairly introduced, stripping is not an appropriate form of protest, nor will it get you out of having to try a bite.

I’m fairly sure that I’ve missed countless places that should be included on this list. Care to share some other places or times when one should not take off their pants?

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
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16 Responses to When Not to Take off Your Pants

  1. momtimes4 says:

    HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! This is so funny! My boy is the same way. What is it with boys??

    • They love to be naked! My son likes to play in the kiddie pool in the back yard naked too. It’s fine when it’s just us, but sometimes we invite other families to join us.

      My little girl is not nearly as excited about being naked.

  2. rossmurray1 says:

    I think a shorter and perhaps more encompassing list would be “When TO take your pants off.” But not nearly as funny, of course.

  3. sweetmother says:

    sage advice for anyone, really. lol.

  4. Sandi Ormsby says:

    I have some posts on this subject. I’ve finally gotten them to stop stripping in public. Now, we’re going for the “getting ready to take a shower” you grab your new clothes take them into the bathroom, close the door, then remove your current wear, turn on the water, get in the shower, use soap and clean your body (not the walls), yes, wash your hair…rinse…turn off the water, use the towel to dry off, put on lotion and your new, clean clothes. Pick up soiled clothes and place them in hamper.

    Okay, mom…as they are stripping down in the living room, pants left there,shirt on hallway floor, socks in bedroom…sigh- next time.

    • Yep, there’s always that trail of clothes on the way to the bathroom.

      And some un-named parent has taught the boy to pee in the tub drain before his bath… I just don’t have the energy to deal with that one!

      • Sandi Ormsby says:

        Ohhh, yesss. ew. I’ve seen my husband do that once before and I’m like “really?” thankfully, our boy is kind of weird about the whole peeing thing having to be in the toilet. (unless we are driving and there’s no restroom- we have to pull over) otherwise, he’s good w/the toilet. YAY.

  5. LOL! I am laughing because I think I need to give a copy of this list to my son! Not that he would pay attention, he is famous for his accidental nudity. One day at school in kindergarten he came in from recess, took off his coat, boots, snowpants, pants, shirt, and underwear. Yes, I am not making this up. Luckily his teacher shooed him into the bathroom and hissed at him to “PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!” before anyone else noticed. She then had to tell me this story later on. I still to this day wonder why he chose that particular moment for nudity. There are many others…

  6. With the snow here, my 4 yr old comes in and attempts to take off his wet jeans every day by himself. He does come inside first, but does not close the interior door, so stands in front of the all glass storm door. And then, since his pants bottoms are wet and cumbersome now, he gets stuck shivering with wet pants around ankles, mooning the neighborhood while he screams for help, just in case no one noticed, the screams make sure they do.

  7. House rule number one in our house is “pants at the dinner table.” Instituted after a horrific penis and hot soup incident…

  8. Pingback: Special Event for Taking Pants Off in Public | Dirty Rotten Parenting

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