“Share” or else!

share love

Share or your kids will think you don’t really love them.

“Share” if you love your children.

“Like” if you are married to a good man/woman/person.

I don’t like being told what to do. So to all of you who keep posting cutesy pictures on Facebook that instruct me to “share” or “like” something if I love someone, bleah! You suck.

Why do you suck? Because you are implying that if I don’t “share” or “like” your stupid, irritatingly cute pictures, that I am silently announcing to the world that I do not love my children with all my heart or that I am married to a bad person or that I hate puppies and kittens. Really?!

Like if you don't want this adorable child to be possessed by evil and destroy the world.

Like if you don’t want this adorable child to be possessed by evil and destroy the world.

Why are you doing this to me? Are you doing it because you’re not confident that your “friends” will know that you actually love your kids, spouse, and/or baby animals? Are you afraid that if you don’t “share” or “like” sentimental Facebook crap, that somehow your love for others is invalidated? What on earth is going through your mind?

Oh no, if I don’t “like” this, little Johnny will think I don’t love him. Quick! Click “like!”

Damn it! If I don’t “share” this picture, then cute little kittens will die horrible deaths! Where’s the mouse? Click damn you, click!

I confess to having a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Posting a status update is like making a personal announcement during a high school assembly and then opening up the floor for audience responses. Only it’s not usually just your high school buddies in the gym, it’s your family, co-workers, kids, friends’ kids, acquaintances, and that weird girl from college that you haven’t unfriended yet.

For the most part, I sit in the back of the gym and enjoy the show. So go ahead, don’t “share” or “like” if you don’t want to. I promise, I won’t think less of you for your inaction.

Then again, if you don’t “share” or “like” this post, well let’s just say that somewhere in the world, small cute things will be taken over by evil and destroy everything you love. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for that would you?


About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home.
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14 Responses to “Share” or else!

  1. Clearly I’ve reached the FB tipping point!

  2. rossmurray1 says:

    Amen. And “Let’s see how many people actually read my posts. In the comments, leave your bank account info.” I hate those.

  3. sarah9188 says:

    Yes yes YES! Thank you. I happen to love Jesus, America, babies, kittens, and my family and hate cancer. I don’t want to be told I have no soul because I don’t share or like something; being part ginger is plenty for me.

  4. YES!! My favorites are the ones that say, “If you’re not afraid to show you love Jesus, you will post this…” Jesus isn’t on FB. Lay off, crackheads. šŸ™‚

    • Finnella says:

      I get those frequently, and they drive me nuts. Jesus knows that I believe in him without frantic clicking and sharing.

  5. I’m so with you! It’s not just FB but those annoying emails, too. I’ll share if I darn well want to.

  6. boxermamma says:

    ‘Share if you care, keep scrolling if you don’t’… followed by picture of grieving war widow/ cancer sufferer/starving animal. I care AND I keep scrolling. V. funny post!

  7. Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  8. You have read my mind about FB! I am so tired of the “If you love…” and “Share if you believe…” I never share those things and find them a waste of FB space. Great post!

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