Thanks for nothing darling

Dear little one,

When you woke up an hour and a half early for the 5th morning in a row today, mommy was not very happy. Could you tell? When mommy opens your door and growls “get back in bed. Now. It’s not morning yet.” That means you’ve done something horrible and you should not do it again.

But you have. Five times in a row.

You should know that mommy’s deep well of love for you is starting to dry up a little. You’re not as cute when mommy hasn’t gotten enough sleep.

You should also know that for every hour of sleep you destroy, mommy loses a month off of her expected life span. At this rate, daddy will be dealing with your teen years on his own.

Trust me when I say that you are not going to enjoy daddy’s versions of the “birds and the bees” talk or the “you’re becoming a woman now” talk very much. They will be honed to extract the maximum level of embarrassment out of you. Daddy is extremely skilled that way.

You can still save yourself. All you have to do is stay in bed and keep your mouth shut until the appropriate time of day. If you do this, mommy promises to stop growling.

Love (for now)

Mommy

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
This entry was posted in Conversations with children, Parenthood, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Thanks for nothing darling

  1. “for now” … SNORT.

  2. gavmomof2 says:

    Sounds like this is your version of “GO THE F*** to SLEEP”
    Hope tomorrow is better 🙂

  3. rossmurray1 says:

    The sex talk threat is killer.

  4. ..and crying loudly, even if it is in the next room, does not help your case!

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