Morning Commentary

Our mornings have been extra crazy lately. I went back to non-self-employment full time just over 2 months ago and suddenly the importance of getting out of the house on a schedule has skyrocketed. My son is doing fine with this, but I think my daughter is not so keen on General Mommy keeping things on a tight timeline. It’s rare for us to get all the way to daycare without at least one or two melt-downs. 

To keep from going completely insane before 8:30am rolls around, I’ve been channeling a sports commentator in my head to help me through the rough morning routine. I’m hoping it will prevent me from strangling my little three-nager!

The mental dialogue goes a little like this….

And the girl is coming out of her room. Daddy swoops in for a hug. She ducks and runs to the living room. Blanket’s over her head. Looks like this morning’s game is going to be a rough one. Daddy cuts his losses and goes down for the boy. He’s looking for an easy couple of points early on in the day. 

It’s a tense room. Mommy comes at the girl from the side. What’s it going to be folks? Is she going to go with eating breakfast or getting dressed? Maybe a trip to the bathroom! 

Mommy is shut down! The girl crosses her arms and sits down hard on the floor. I can see them arguing. Mommy starts the three-count. Three. Two. One! And…. nothing. I can see Mommy’s blood starting to boil. The girl seems to be pushing all of the right buttons and I think we’re about to see some exciting action! 

Mommy tries again. This time she pulls out the coaxing moves. Pretty please is getting this tired momma nowhere today! What’s the girl going to do next? The girl gives the couch a big kick. That’s gotta hurt the toes. She’s making a run for it! And the bedroom door slams!

Time for a new strategy. Looks like Mommy is out of patience this morning, she’s going straight for the Not Listening Medicine (also known as the whining medicine). She’s coming back with the bottle and the spoon. She’s going to try for the elevated three-count.

Mommy counts, she scores! The girl chooses a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast! The audience is going wild! It’s Mommy’s first point of the day.

If only that were all there was to it! Sometimes the battle is breakfast, sometimes it’s picking clothing, sometimes she refuses to go to the bathroom. The other day I thought I had made it all the way to daycare without an incident. I think the girl suddenly realized that she was nearly out of time for her daily morning melt-down so she quickly threw a fit in the parking lot. I was literally 2 minutes and 20 meters away from a perfect morning.

We’d give them away, but then they throw in the odd morning where both little monsters turn back into the angels we’d like people to think we’re raising. Yesterday they sang cheery little made up songs all through the morning routine. I think they might know when mommy is about to put them out on the curb for free stuff day and they whip out the cute little angel routine in the nick of time!

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
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