Is my child possessed? (Re-post from Jan 18, 2012)

Every parent at some time or another has wondered, “Is my child possessed by the devil or some other evil spirit?” Those times when your normally well behaved son or daughter does something that reminds you of scenes from the Exorcist. When your sweet little baby decides to start biting her big brother for no good reason and then moves on to pushing, stealing toys, and screaming at the top of her lungs when you put her down in front of her toys, what else are you supposed to think. Obviously some evil spirit has temporarily inhabited your child and is causing them to behave in otherwise unfathomable ways.

Demon possession provides the most reasonable explanation for the untimely tantrums in the grocery store line. You’ve managed to keep them relatively under control for most of your shopping trip. Then you get into line to pay for your food and BAM! instant meltdown. What else could it be if not tiny invisible evil spirits hanging out by the grocery check out clerks, just waiting for small children to ‘play’ with.

This also explains why your child can go from playing happily at the playground, to screaming bloody murder when someone else gets on the swing they’ve just vacated.

My children are not immune to being possessed from time to time. Obviously they are usually little saintly darlings who would never ever behave inappropriately under any circumstances and naturally I am an excellent parent. Which is why I know that it is the devil’s fault when they misbehave.

Here are some useful signs that your child is or has been possessed:

  • They freak out for no apparent reason;
  • unusually violent behavior;
  • screaming profanities (sometimes in other languages);
  • throwing food or toys that they would normally eat and/or play with;
  • lying on the floor kicking their legs and waving their arms;
  • levitating; and/or
  • head spinning.

Please note that this is not a complete list of signs of possession. If your child becomes possessed for longer periods of time or is completely unmanageable, you may wish to consult with a local religious organization for possible steps to protecting your child from possession.

I would like to suggest the following methods for coping with periodic demon possession in children. First and foremost, when your child is possessed, give them whatever they want to calm the angry demon inside. I repeat, WHATEVER THEY WANT. Secondly, go home and have a drink, a large drink, preferably alcoholic.

Remember, your child’s behaviour while they are possessed does not reflect on your parenting skills in any way. You are a great parent and your child is a perfect little angel. It is all the devil’s fault!

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About dirtyrottenparenting

I'm a parent of two lovely (most of the time) children. I work full time out of the home and I don't cook well, bake, sew, or do crafty things. I keep my high heels and jewelry at my office because there's no point in having them at home. I love Mondays because I can return to the world of adults, go to the bathroom alone and have nearly uninterrupted conversations with others.
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